I’m going to start by saying I’m not a big fan of astrology, or in Sheldon Cooper’s words: “the mass cultural delusion that the sun’s apparent position relevant to arbitrarily defined constellations at the time of your birth somehow affects your personality.”
I don’t really think my dad believes in astrology, but there he is every week sending me whatever the astrologist from the Village Voice says about my sign. He justifies this weekly ritual by saying that even though he doesn’t really believe in it, the way this guy predicts your future through astrology is somewhat ‘cool’… And I have to agree.
So enough introduction, this is the astrological prediction for my future according to my sign:
GEMINI [May 21–June 20] According to John Gardner, there are two kinds of stories in literature: 1) You go on a journey; and 2) A stranger arrives in your world. According to my analysis of your destiny in 2009, you will reap rich rewards by including both plotlines in your life story. So let the brainstorming begin: What’s the best journey you could choose for yourself—a journey that will educate, challenge, and delight you? And what can you do to attract the best kinds of strangers into your world—strangers who will educate, challenge, and delight you?
Now I know that this year I will have to go and finally meet with all the people I met through the years via Internet… A long journey awaits for me. And for the strangers part… I guess I’ll have to finally get off my ass and join the circus, I bet I’m going to find so many strangers there or maybe… Maybe just strange people.
Oh! It’s Christmas Eve so I wish you all a Merry Christmas and ‘one of those hangovers‘, like my friend Lindsay Lohan would say.
Now that last sentence gave me an idea…
I’m giving you all as a Christmas present these stolen quotes from famous drunk people:
Sometimes I reflect back on all the beer I have consumed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn’t drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, “It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver.”
– by Jack Handy
I feel sorry for people who don’t drink. When they wake up in the morning, that’s as good as they’re going to feel all day.
– Frank Sinatra
The problem with some people is that when they aren’t drunk, they’re sober.
– William Butler Yeats
An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools
– Ernest Hemingway
Always do sober what you said you’d do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
– Ernest Hemingway
Time is never wasted when you’re wasted all the time.
– Catherine Zandonella
Reality is an illusion that occurs due to lack of alcohol.
Drinking provides a beautiful excuse to pursue the one activity that truly gives me pleasure, hooking up with fat, hairy girls.
– Ross Levy
A woman drove me to drink and I didn’t even have the decency to thank her.
– W.C. Fields
What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch?
– Tee Mans
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
– Henny Youngman
Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of life, so get wasted all of the time and have the time of your life.
– Michelle Mastrolacasa
I’d rather have a bottle in front of me, than a frontal lobotomy.
– Tom Waits
24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?
– Stephen Wright
When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. Sooooo, let’s all get drunk and go to heaven!
– Brian O’Rourke
You can’t be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline. It helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer.
– Frank Zappa
Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.
– Winston Churchill
Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.
– Benjamin Franklin
If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose.
– Jack Handy
You can adjust your drunk to your high but you can’t adjust your high to your drunk.
And just in case you were wondering about my plans… I’m not planning on getting drunk, you know it’s not safe to do so when you are really missing someone.
This post could go on forever so now I will just leave you with a song by the ever awesome guys from The Maine (I’ll write an article about them in the near future) who just recorded a Christmas-themed album.