Tag Archive for 'buenos aires'

Breathe in, now breathe out

I woke up.

I’ve been too anxious for the past two weeks, like it’s really starting to bother me. Yesterday I read more than three ‘wikihow.com’ guides on how to deal with anxiety. I didn’t learn as much as I learned from the guide on how to deal with stress, but still I found them enlightening.

I’ll be back home on Monday; I came to Buenos Aires two weeks ago, but since all of my friends are somewhere else and my only friend in the city is leaving for two weeks, I’m going back to see if I can relax in my hometown.

Right now for some reason I’m listening to Augustana, which I haven’t really listened in quite a long time. All The Stars and Boulevards is a great album.

But like I was saying, today after I washed my face with cold water I went to the rooftop and while the sun was already starting to heat the earth, I sat down and stood in a yoga-like position for almost ten minutes, just breathing.

I don’t know if it did something on me, but right now I wouldn’t like for anxiety to take over me once again.

I’ll try just to focus on my breathing when the weakness is coming on.

.-

My hands all over you

Lately I’ve been listening a lot to Jack’s Mannequin, more specifically to the album ‘Everything in Transit’.

I can’t help but hum or sing those songs all day long.

It’s so weird how we can manage to rediscover our own feelings just by being close to some people that is special for us. It truly feels like you are living a brand new life when you are sure that you have never lived anything like what’s happening to you.

Sometimes it feels like her side is the only place in the world where I fit in, and sometimes I even scare myself by thinking that it’s getting harder to be anywhere if it’s far from there.

You can breathe, you can breathe now.
You can breathe but the air is running out.

.-

Fun as in ‘breathing’

I just took a tough decision. I’m at the bus stop, I have to go downtown. I’m having a meeting for a website I’ve been working on for the past year and a half. It’s a website for an organization that deals with AIDS, focusing on its prevention by making workshops and informing people on the subject.

Now I’m on the bus. The decision I took was to stay here in my home town for the rest of the year. Now why would I take such a silly decision when I had a 3 Mb broadband connection in Buenos Aires and a malfunctioning 640 kb here? Good question, I know, but not everything depends on internet connections! Come on!

I had already started thinking about staying here during the last weeks I spent in the city but more as a way to deal with my ever present depression. Well, amazing as it sounds, I’m not really taking this decision as a way to deal with that.
In fact, I know I’m not completely (nor partially) over that yet, but it’s OK for now, as long as I don’t start hurting myself or thinking about being a ghost (damn Armor for Sleep!).

What’s leading me to take this decision is my long awaited vision of the future, as in finally seeing myself somewhere in the future, doing what I like.
You need to have a plan if you’re staying…” my father said today after lunch. Well… Dan said we need to ‘plan to be surprised‘ (you should be ashamed if you still haven’t seen Dan in Real Life… Go watch it now!)

So that’s what I’m planning after all! I’m putting my formal studies on hold until next year (formal as in the sense of university studies), but instead I’m going to: (here we go)

  • · Read more. Some people I truly respect have suggested me tens of books along the years so I think it’s finally time to read them. I need to finish reading (for the second time) “A Brief History of Time” by the awesome Stephen Hawking,  get my hands on all the Ray Bradbury books I’ve been collecting since I was 10, and probably read as many books as I can to make my brain bigger.
  • · Write more. Yes, and no. I’m not talking about (only) blogging, I also have some (some as in tens of millions) of ideas I’d like to take from my brain and put down on paper. And yes, I may start writing more here, but only time will tell.
  • · Study more. I’m taking my interests to the next level. Programming, physics, guitar, singing, maths, anything. But as I learned in the past, I can only study by myself: it’s the only way it works for me.
  • · Smile more. I know that smiling isn’t cool right now, I mean, what’s “in” right now is to feel bad all the time and just avoid being happy. But let me tell you something: I was into depression way before it went mainstream and started being so trendy. I’m a pioneer on feeling bad, people. So now I’m gonna try swimming against the current, I’m gonna be the happiest guy alive.
    OK, point taken: it’ll probably won’t work that way, but you get the point. Wish me luck on this one.
  • · Watch more movies. For the past two years I’ve collected over 80 films (including documentaries and silly TV specials) that I wanted to see. I think I’ve barely seen 10 of them so I’m going to put some of my time on watching them. Movies are one of the things I enjoy the most, and now it’s time for me to do things I like. At first I thought of naming this one “Watch more movies while eating ice cream”, but then I realized that I would quickly get overweight.
  • · Work more. I’m not getting a job at a shoe factory, but still… This is a tricky one. Work can stand for both paid work and work on my personal projects or endeavors. I want to finish most (if not all) of the things I started to work on the past few years. I want to do whatever it’s needed on my baby websites (AlwaysFallingDown.com, TheresNoSolution.com, Proyecto Burbuja, valenzine.com, my web design company MonstersInvisible.com, etc), finish any current work I have and make my ToDo list a bit thinner… I want a clean start for next year.
    Also, I’ve started to work with my dad on some of his own work, and that is keeping me thrilled with learning better ways to work.
  • · Drink more. I’m not really sure about this one but I think it could be one of the suggestions my friends would make when finding out about these news.
  • · Enjoy more. So it’s time to stop thinking about dying and rather start thinking about living (as logical as it may sound, it takes a lot to get to this conclusion).
    People that wanted to show me a brighter side of my life had a really good point when they addressed the fact that there are a lot of things I can whine about my life, but even more facts about it that I shouldn’t ignore: the things I shouldn’t complain about, such as still being able to breathe, having a family and friends that care for me and so many other things. Pretty self explanatory this one is.

And that’s about all I could write using my cell phone on my way downtown and then my way back.

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