Tag Archive for 'study'

Fun as in ‘breathing’

I just took a tough decision. I’m at the bus stop, I have to go downtown. I’m having a meeting for a website I’ve been working on for the past year and a half. It’s a website for an organization that deals with AIDS, focusing on its prevention by making workshops and informing people on the subject.

Now I’m on the bus. The decision I took was to stay here in my home town for the rest of the year. Now why would I take such a silly decision when I had a 3 Mb broadband connection in Buenos Aires and a malfunctioning 640 kb here? Good question, I know, but not everything depends on internet connections! Come on!

I had already started thinking about staying here during the last weeks I spent in the city but more as a way to deal with my ever present depression. Well, amazing as it sounds, I’m not really taking this decision as a way to deal with that.
In fact, I know I’m not completely (nor partially) over that yet, but it’s OK for now, as long as I don’t start hurting myself or thinking about being a ghost (damn Armor for Sleep!).

What’s leading me to take this decision is my long awaited vision of the future, as in finally seeing myself somewhere in the future, doing what I like.
You need to have a plan if you’re staying…” my father said today after lunch. Well… Dan said we need to ‘plan to be surprised‘ (you should be ashamed if you still haven’t seen Dan in Real Life… Go watch it now!)

So that’s what I’m planning after all! I’m putting my formal studies on hold until next year (formal as in the sense of university studies), but instead I’m going to: (here we go)

  • · Read more. Some people I truly respect have suggested me tens of books along the years so I think it’s finally time to read them. I need to finish reading (for the second time) “A Brief History of Time” by the awesome Stephen Hawking,  get my hands on all the Ray Bradbury books I’ve been collecting since I was 10, and probably read as many books as I can to make my brain bigger.
  • · Write more. Yes, and no. I’m not talking about (only) blogging, I also have some (some as in tens of millions) of ideas I’d like to take from my brain and put down on paper. And yes, I may start writing more here, but only time will tell.
  • · Study more. I’m taking my interests to the next level. Programming, physics, guitar, singing, maths, anything. But as I learned in the past, I can only study by myself: it’s the only way it works for me.
  • · Smile more. I know that smiling isn’t cool right now, I mean, what’s “in” right now is to feel bad all the time and just avoid being happy. But let me tell you something: I was into depression way before it went mainstream and started being so trendy. I’m a pioneer on feeling bad, people. So now I’m gonna try swimming against the current, I’m gonna be the happiest guy alive.
    OK, point taken: it’ll probably won’t work that way, but you get the point. Wish me luck on this one.
  • · Watch more movies. For the past two years I’ve collected over 80 films (including documentaries and silly TV specials) that I wanted to see. I think I’ve barely seen 10 of them so I’m going to put some of my time on watching them. Movies are one of the things I enjoy the most, and now it’s time for me to do things I like. At first I thought of naming this one “Watch more movies while eating ice cream”, but then I realized that I would quickly get overweight.
  • · Work more. I’m not getting a job at a shoe factory, but still… This is a tricky one. Work can stand for both paid work and work on my personal projects or endeavors. I want to finish most (if not all) of the things I started to work on the past few years. I want to do whatever it’s needed on my baby websites (AlwaysFallingDown.com, TheresNoSolution.com, Proyecto Burbuja, valenzine.com, my web design company MonstersInvisible.com, etc), finish any current work I have and make my ToDo list a bit thinner… I want a clean start for next year.
    Also, I’ve started to work with my dad on some of his own work, and that is keeping me thrilled with learning better ways to work.
  • · Drink more. I’m not really sure about this one but I think it could be one of the suggestions my friends would make when finding out about these news.
  • · Enjoy more. So it’s time to stop thinking about dying and rather start thinking about living (as logical as it may sound, it takes a lot to get to this conclusion).
    People that wanted to show me a brighter side of my life had a really good point when they addressed the fact that there are a lot of things I can whine about my life, but even more facts about it that I shouldn’t ignore: the things I shouldn’t complain about, such as still being able to breathe, having a family and friends that care for me and so many other things. Pretty self explanatory this one is.

And that’s about all I could write using my cell phone on my way downtown and then my way back.

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Lock the doors and slide behind the unlit shades

I’ve been listening to +44’s album since I woke up this morning and used it as background music while studying. It does a pretty good job keeping me focused, although I couldn’t resist and jumped to grab my guitar and play along 145 (acoustic version of 155) and Cliff Diving.

I can’t even remember the last time I played those songs, but they made me remember that I never learned their guitar solos. Damn.

Fre, my girlfriend, is coming in less than 20 minutes. Last Thursday she told me that she would be coming here: she lives 50 km (30 miles) away from here in a small city named La Plata. I have some of my best friends living there as well so I go almost every weekend and spend it with them.

But this is the first time she’s coming here! I’m so enthused that I even swept my bedroom’s floor, ordered all my books, and put all my dirty clothes in their place (the bag for laundry, of course).

I can’t believe that I only slept 4 hours last night. And just for your interest, mixing coffee with energy drinks will only get you an aching stomach and will not make you hyper-intelligent and get all your work done in 30 minutes.

+44’s CD keeps spinning and she’s at my door.

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Heart possessions and year-changing decisions

Have you ever woken up one day just to see a poster on your wall that you had always thought it was cool but never put too much attention on it, and then it happens: you notice how it was the coolest thing you’ve ever seen?

I used that lame metaphor in a failed attempt to explain my recent crush on one of my bestest friends.

I won’t go into too many details right now, I’m just going to say that I was this close to giving up on everything and then suddenly it happened. She was valiant enough to tell me something that completely changed my point of view on some subjects.

I’m sick of my own depression. I can’t stand thinking about all this negative stuff all the time, I need to change.

A lot of things are happening around me, most of them aren’t directly related to me but in some way they do, and at the same time I’m facing a lot of new things all the time.

I’m not doing really well in college… I dropped out of Mathematical Analysis and I’m considering dropping out of Physics too. In fact, I’m ditching my class right now. I did quite well on Introduction to Scientific Thinging (or IST from now on). I got an 8 out of 10 and surprisingly most of my classmates failed. What surprsises me is that I didn’t study much for the exam, I just read the chapters of the book and studied from previous exams I got online.

But I need to change. I need to focus on myself and on making the lives of people around me easier. I need to help myself and everyone around me.

And by achieving small accomplishments every day I think I’m getting closer to that. When everything you do or try to do leads to frustration, you just don’t find a purpose on anything. And that’s what needs to change: I need to find a purpose and I have to avoid getting frustrated.

Let’s start right now.

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Today I had my first exam

Last night I put my alarm at 5 30 am, and almost half dozen more reminders every 5 minutes so I would wake up and study further for my Introduction to Scientific Thinking exam.

I woke up with the first alarm, and then with the third one I went to the lower floor (my bedroom has two floors, it’s weird) and lied on a futon.

“Only 10 more minutes” I said to myself. At least an hour passed and I turned on my laptop. No new mails, or maybe just some spam from Russia (I hope the guy that’s sending me so much spam doesn’t get shot).

I finally woke up at 8 30, the sky was all grey and I just didn’t feel like getting up for studying. My sister was leaving for work, so I said goodbye and turned on my laptop again.

Yesterday I disabled my former blog at valenzine.com. Apparently by doing so I fucked up my dad’s blog, so I had to fix that before starting my day.

Later on I decided to start studying, but first listening to Xx by Firefight [download here, listen at the end of the post], but due to my obsessive nature, I had to get the chords to that song, or at least the lyrics. Although I had tried looking for the lyrics before (and failed miserably), I gave it one more try and ended in their MySpace page. adding them as friends to see if I can ask them personally for those two things. So yeah, basically I spent 30 minutes doing everything but studying.

Oh I needed some coffee. I always make myself some latte. It was much easier to prepare that glorious drink back home where I had the microwave oven and I would just put some instant coffee and milk heat it up, then added some sugar and it was party time for me and my coffee.

I just spent half hour looking for a good picture of a latte. Couldn’t find any.

So I had my coffee and started studying. I kept obsessing over that band, Firefight, so I downloaded the last I Voted for Kodos album. They broke up in 2007 and two of their former members are now in Firefight.

Finally, I sat down and started taking even more notes for the exam. The teacher allowed us to use our notes and the book for the test. It was a multiple choice kind of test. It was a pretty annoying exam.

The teacher had to ask us to correct some exercises and questions because they weren’t correctly written. Come on, that’s stupid! If I happen to fail or something, I have a good excuse now.

I didn’t have lunch or anything, at 1 pm I had to rush to the bus stop to catch that bus. It was still cloudy and a bit chilly so I wore a sweater for the first time in a long time. I got to my physics class and I finished taking notes. A guy with a weird accent (I’m thinking he may be from another country) approached me with some questions about the exam. Being that not many classmates share the Scientific Thinking class with me, I felt special!

Well, I was holding the book needed for the exam so it was pretty obvious, but anyway, it was cool. We shared some thoughts and then the three hours from physics were over.

The exam. It took me one of the two hours I had.

I left. I was going to visit my aunt but she didn’t reply my texts and I took the bus home. It was a weird way home.

I bought some new material for physics, I have my first exam next Tuesday.

I’ll get the mark from this one next Friday.

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